Let me start by saying.....growl! By nature I am a very private person. I am a great listener & can Listen all day & night about friends problems, concerns etc but only my closest of my closest friends will ever see me blow off steam. Why? I have no idea I have always been like this, I am not saying it is ideal it is just how I am built. Another thing about myself is that peer pressure has almost no effect on me.....I just never let other folks opinions of myself dictate my interactions or reactions. Interestingly enough I have an older sister & we are 100% opposite....her whole life the only thing that has mattered to her is other folks opinions. (NOT our Family's) She is ten years my senior & she is incapable of even picking a restaurant if you give her a choice....even if she picks something she then spends the next 15 minutes backpedalling why it was a bad decision. Needless to say this is why she has had several bad marriages, failed careers and can't keep "good" friends. I have tried to help her but at some point I realized after I also received my Counseling Licensure that all I can do at the end of the day is support her....she will live the rest of her life in this cycle of immaturity and lacking a backbone. When she needs me I am there....isn't it something that someone 10 years younger can be more emotionally & financially stable than a 41 year old woman? Never, ever think age is the main indicator of maturity. At least not in my family tree.
Well....here is my venting outlet. I was having a conversation with a lady yesterday at a local festival. I know her from church. She mentioned she was surprised I don't have 5+ kids because of my love of them. I told her I have never, ever wanted a large family & to me 2 kids IS a large family. Also, because I am not ashamed of attempting to be a Single Mother By Choice (SMBC) at all, I also shared that I was trying on my own for motherhood. Her reply....."Oh, Candace....why? You have a great job, you like men, you are wonderfully educated, own your home & your pretty (her wording NOT mine). Woman like you don't need to get pregnant on your own." WHAT THE HECK! I counted to 10 ...OK to 30 and then as controlled as possible I explained to her that those sediments are nothing but small minded schools of thought. First of all......being a SMBC for most of us is a very well thought out avenue we find ourselves on. SMBC has nothing to do with our looks, or our educations, financial assests, etc - it is our drive to become Mothers! The way she made it....the only folks that are SMBC are dowdy, school marms that can't "catch" a man. WHATEVER! The truth is ANYONE can catch a man.....now, if those men are the right ones to keep is the real question. If all I wanted was that, I could start TTC right now with a ton of male friends....trust me it would be cheaper & quicker!
In my case I didn't wake up & say hey I want to be a single Mom. No, I fell in Love with a terrific man.....dated for a long time & put off marriage eventhough he proposed to me twice before I accepted on the third time. I never doubted us as a couple I just wasn't sure about marriage. Anyway....very near our wedding my Fiance was taken from me suddenly & tragically. I won't go into any details & that was many years ago but needless to say it shaped the woman I am now. For whatever reason at 31 I found myself with the BIGGEST Motherhood pangs imaginable & after joining a support group......BAM - I became committed to attempting Motherhood on my own. Will I still get married one day? I don't know.....I will take everything one day at a time and see what life has in store for me. One thing I can guarantee....if I get pregnant and are blessed to become a mother.....I will LOVE my child enough for 10 people!
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I understand what you are saying abaout small minded people. While many of the people I have told so far have been pretty supportive, I've experienced a few who weren't. I know that when I do, my mom totally will not be supportive. It's sad, but I have decided that regardless of what others think of my decision (and the fact that it bothers me more than it should what others think)I am still going to go ahead with my plan as I don't think I should lose the opprotunity to be a mother, even if I've never found someone worth keeping. Good luck.
Good for you Michell! Sometimes we just have to do what is in our hearts. We know we are doing what is best for us & our desire for a little one. And who knows....maybe once the reality of your baby comes your Mom may surprise you. Even if not, it sounds like Motherhood is what you want. Good Luck to you too!
I've had similar comments directed at me. You are doing what is right for your life. You should never wait for someone else to fulfill your dreams.
I so agree maverickmama, thanks for taking the time to check me out & post. Good Luck on your Journey as well.All the Best!:)
You tell 'em!
I feel really lucky. All of my friends have been supportive, and my family is 100% behind me. Hell, Mom just gave me $500 to help cover some of the expenses, and Dad promised some more. If I work it right, my folks will have paid for me to get pregnant... Okay, only if I get pregnant within the first 3 tries of home AI'ing. I'm almost 43, so I don't doubt that it will take longer.
I guess I have been a little careful to not share what I'm doing with anyone to whom I'm not close. I'm not sure that I care what they think, I just don't want to feel I need to explain myself or how it works... Once I'm pregnant, though... I'm sure there will be lots of comments about how happy my partner/spouse/whatever must be. Ah, well. There will be times it makes sense to correct, and times to just smile and nod.
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