Exhaustion!

Whoa.....I am WIPED Out! Yes, Michell I am one of the crazy people out on Black Friday. I really have no choice, I have 5, yes..5 God Children to buy for and I NEED Deals. Mom was feeling at least a little better and we got up at 4 a.m. on Black Friday and were Door Busting Sea*s by 4:45 a.m. - WOW....Good Deals on Christmas stuff and Household Goodies. Just in that store I saved $125.....yahoo! I was sooooo Tired later in the Day. Stores we hit before 10:00 a.m. - Sea*rs, Beal*s, Mac*'s, Walma*t, Targ*t, Kma*t and Toys R *s - By the time we stopped and went to Breakfast at 10:00 a.m. I was soo tired and ready for a NAP Big time. Believe it or not no Huge over the top purchases, just good deals for Gifts and 2 things for my Home I needed anyway. I REALLY wanted the New Alicia K*ys* CD to be on the Door Buster sale for $5 at Walma*t but HECK NO it wasn't......Darn it!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone......I have overeaten so much these past few days it is actually almost embarrassing. Almost.....well gotta run....left over Mac & Cheese (homemade) is calling my name!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!

Happy, Happy Thanksgiving out in Blogland. This is SUCH a busy time for me but I wanted to get on for a moment and give Thanks.

I am truly thankful for meeting all of my Blog Friends through this amazing and challenging Journey to Motherhood. It is a blessing to have a place to talk, vent and cry with people that TRULY understand, the pain and the frustration.

Thank you to ALL my Blog Sisters.......Sassy T, Michelle, Chelle, Cora, Michell (yes that is 3), Amy, Deena, Marcy, Kelli, Kelly, Tammy, Aradia, S&C, Cheryl, Jen (where are you & what happen to your blog - e-mail me, lady), SJayne, Becca, Momai, Mombi, Alifred, Ksmama, Dreambaby, Tisha and anyone that I may have accidentally forgotten. (Los Siento - I am sorry).

Friendship knows NO bounds......Computers can UNITE. Thank you for being Yourselves.

May the Next Thanksgiving be filled with the Joys of Motherhood...one way or another!

Teachers UNITE....Teacher Post ALERT

Ughhh.....even as a Teacher Mentor Trainer for New teachers, this time of year is HECTIC! Whew, I am tired. I am happy that so far out of all my Newbies I have only had 2 abandon ship on my team and that my friends, is HUGE. In Florida, Teachers are in SHORTAGE and 100+ classrooms in my County are taught by permanent subs and NOT certified Teachers because of this shortage. So, if you know someone fresh from College with a Teaching Certificate...send em on down to the The Sunshine State...we can use some good Teachers!
Today, I was taking with a new Teacher that was in tears because a parent had "ripped her a new one." I had to counsel her through it and get her to realize this is the part of Teaching you do NOT learn about in College. Truth be told, after years of teaching the hardest part of Teaching in the traditional classroom is.....the Parents. In my case, it wasn't the parents who asked 1000+ questions, call/e-mail constantly and/or question every assignment.....I LOVE those parents, because THEY care, THEY value their Child and are involved in their life. The Parents that made me so angry are the ones that don't give a damn. Yes, believe it or not.....some Parents do NOT give a damn. (Or at least their lifestyle and behavior = that result). In my training, I share so many WONDERFUL teaching moments I have experienced in my life. I also share some of the realities of Teaching.......drunk parents coming to school, a parent coming to pick-up a child high on drugs, and so many more that would make your skin crawl.
I share all of this to say it felt good to have an "Ah Ha" moment with a new Teacher....after our time together I really felt good about the exchange and I can't wait until this New Teacher realizes what a terrific job she is doing & it will get smoother and her confidence will improve.

***On a side NOTE: I would like to send my Healing Prayers and thoughts to my buddy, Deena...so many people have you & Vince in their prayers. At a time like this no words can ease the pain but I am here in any way, anyway you need me.****

Tag..I am it!

I have been Tagged - Here it goes!

Jobs I've had:

1) Amusement Park Food Service Worker (1st Job)
2) Daycare Worker
3) Head International Camp Counselor
4) Elementary Teacher
5) Teacher Trainer -Current

Places I've lived:
1) Va - Northern
2) Va - Mountains (during College)
3) Nara & Tokyo, Japan
4) Florida

Food I love:

1) Mac & Cheese
2) Enchiladas - YUMMY!
3) Japanese Noddles & Veggies
4) Potatoes - anyway at all!

Places I would rather be:

1) Walt Disney World
2) Curled in bed with Enrique Iglesias - Aye Papi!
3) Traveling the Globe
4) In a Mommy & Me class with my child

Movies I love:

1) Imitation of Life
2) Beaches
3) ALL Harry Potter Movies
4) ALL Star Wars Movies
5) Maria Full of Grace
6) Sound of Music

TV shows I watch:

1) Big Love (Favorite!)
2) The Tudors
3) Almost anything on National Geographic or Discovery Channels
4) The L Word
5) Nancy Grace Hour

Books I love:
1) Bag of Bones - S. King
2) Almost all Lisa Kleypas Books
3) Roots & Queen by Alex Haley
4) a stack of boring Teacher Books and nifty Manuals. (YES, I am a Nerd!)

School is Back in Session & so am I!

YIPPPPEEEEE, Ladies & Gents.....did you think I fell off the edge of the Earth??? I thought I did too. First.......WELCOME BACK TO ALL MY TEACHER BUDDIES & FRIENDS WITH SCHOOL AGE LITTLE ONES......IT IS THAT TIME AGAIN!

OK, I am officially crazy but all of my Bloggie buddies knew that already!!!!!! As I last mentioned I was working on the Hardwood Floors......Holy CRAP Batman........what a JOB.........I will take some pics tonight to post..give me your thoughts. All in all I did 1,757 square foot. (Geesh..which was only the Foyer, Hall, Kitchen, Breakfast Nook, Family Room and small Den....it fells like a FOOTBALL Field when you are on your knees for weeks!!!). To be Honest with you guys my Friends, the ONLY reason I did it myself was funds.....doing it myself cost me TOTAL $1,495 ..... If I had a Business come & do it.......cheapest Quote due to my Square foot & my Custom Cuts..............$9,456. (Hell NO to that price!). Anyhoo...I am JUST finishing!! As you will read below I have been GONE for a few weeks.

--Unexpectantly, I had a sudden opportunity present itself to go to JAPAN......since I am on the TTC circuit & Life is REALLY about to change once a Pregnancy hits....I took my opportunity & went to meet with Friends in JAPAN. What an experience......what an eye opener. 1). My Japanese SUCKS now....I went from Intermediate/Advanced Fluency when living there years ago to almost NOTHING...Japanese has left the building folks. In Fact, the only language I could get out besides English was Spanish. Oh, Well....truth is if you do NOT use a language you LOOSE it....it is a shame. Now I am working on Spanish...living in Florida.....I have people EVERYWHERE to practice with...at work & Home. I also Learned.....I am getting OLD! We all are in my friendship circles....we have changed and we laughed our asses off about it. Hell, if I feel this way at 32 what is going to happen at 62? LOL! On another post I will share some details of the trip.

OK......I work 11 months out of the year now in this position.....we are TRULY in a teaching crisis in this Country...certainly in this State and my County is RIDICULOUS. Let me just say in the public school classrooms school has already began here & in most schools 35% started with SUBSTITUTES......yes, like I said we are in crisis. Now, that I am teaching the New Teachers and Mentoring them I really am faced with the Crisis stats everyday. Let me just say, this year was the first School Year since I graduated College a decade ago that I did not have a Classroom to set-up or to get ready. NO Centers to plan or Bookshelves to organize....No little people with nervous smiles to welcome to Ms. _ _ _ _ _ _ Class. Oh, it is hard.....I am really enjoying what I do now & I know this helps our children BUT, my Friends, let me be honest.....I miss the DORA & Hello Kitty Bookbags, 30 pencils to sharpen, Cute ponytails and Show-n-Share goodies. I miss the Kids surprise when I get them to REALLY Read a book for the first time or when I teach them about Our incredible globe and they pick International Pen Pals for the School Year. Ok, I even miss the crappy parts of Teaching Elementary school...like did you know the Average Elementary school teacher during the school day doesn't get to run to use the bathroom even once a day??? Often if I didn't have a planning period or specials (Art, PE, Music) I was SOL unless a teacher provided quick cover. *They don't tell you that one fact in College! LOL! Anyway, as you can tell I missed my usual routine this year. Now as my area goes into our 3rd week of school I find I am feeling much better. I think because I visit the schools and meet with students when I am observing & chatting with the New Teachers.

Well.....I will be back soon...Next post will be a few pics of happenings since my last post.
LOVE to everyone.....HEY......can I join the WEIGHTLOSS ROLLY POLLY GROUP or what, Ladies! I NEED it......later I will tell about our weight loss challenge at Work too. It is a dooozy!

And the Money kept Rolling OUT.....

Well, after alot of thought I went to the Home Dep*t and opened a considerable line of credit....even though I just had my home built 1 year & a few months ago...plenty of options were NOT available to me & I want to upgrade BEFORE a baby and or a Pregnancy sucks all my expendable funds right out of me. Here are the projects in the works right now.....Tonight I will show some BEFORE pics....don't be shy tell me what you think, especially when the AFTER pics go up too.

PROJECTS IN THE WORKS NOW

• Hardwood Floors in the Family Room, Den, Kitchen, Breakfast Nook and Foyer - I took a class & Believe it or not I have been doing it myself with my Dad. I am HOOKED on the DIY network. (Do-It-Yourself). I am doing the majority of it myself but my Dad is GREAT at the wood cuts so we have been a great duo.
• Granite Counter Tops in my Kitchen...I also am adding an additional double sink to my Island. NOT doing this myself....NO WAY!
• Crown Moulding on the First Floor....doing it myself but ONLY on Level 1...can't afford anywhere else right now.
• Re-doing the Faucet Fixtures in all 4.5 Baths........my Builder REALLY use the Cheap Crap as standard materials....REALLY! I have already replaced 2 shower heads with the RAIN - Water Pic Shower Head....it feels INCREDIBLE...I recommend trying one right away. My family & I are Hooked on showers...at least until the next water bill comes & then I am certain I will cool it right away.
• I am going to wire for a New Island Light after the Island & Counter Tops are finished. I bought the new lighting on SALE & saved $250.....Yeah Hooo!

Anyway, just a few projects in the works right now...My House on the Lower Level is a Mess...Ladders & Drop cloths all over the place. My Dogs think we all went crazy around here.....I am hoping by Next Month all the above will be finished & this mess will be a bad dream only.

Wow....Rating anyone?

Well, since I can't get my pictures or Images to post right now....how about this tidbit of news before I head off to work.

Just a reminder....I am rated..PG. FINALLY! I have been rated "G" my entire Adult life......finally I am "PG." I would like to thank the Academy and all the crazy life situations that lead me to this rating.:)

A Fresh Start......

As much of you can attest...since the Miscarriage, I have been here & there in regards to posting. Simply put I needed to work a few things out. Plus I had a few Home expenses Pop-up that needed my attention.

Anyhoo, I going to be changing the look of my blog...you will see me FINALLY update my Tickers again & my Posting will be back. I am back checking out Donors & making my selections again....I can start as soon as July. However, to be honest.....not sure if I feel like it this month....believe me in the span of time & life ---- ONE MONTH MEANS NADA, NOTHING! That being said I will go with my gut....either mid July or the 2nd week in Aug will be my 2nd attempt at AI.

Well, I am super tired..my next post will share some pics about my latest road trips...let me tell you, my 2007 Expedition is getting some serious miles....Hell yeah! I believe in putting a Car to work...goodness knows you pay for it....The dogs all 3 of them adore riding in the New Car and watching movies on the entertainment system......ok, they just stare at it but the Humans love it.

Have a wonderful Sunday everyone! Cheers!

BLATANT HONEST MOMENT: I have missed YOU my BLOG Family in my absence...more than the "family" I just spent time with on my INSANE Family Reunion. Is that Weird? Even if it is....I still LOVE you guys! I have been reading EVERYONE' S just too damn LAZY to post....SORRY.
My fingers are primed & ready to join in again. Hey, new Pomeranian pics coming tomorrow too.

Next Stop....Single Motherhood by Choice!

Today it officially hit me.....I am ready to go forward again. Depending on bills, life situations, etc...I am planning to get back on the TTC with Donor Sperm in July. I am so happy I didn't rush myself, panic or loss patience. I have always been a super patient person & I never appreciated it more then right now. I really needed to sort out some emotions & shift around some funds and life issues. Now, I feel energized and back on a level playing fields.
I need to share some recent happenings around here lately. As most of you know by now I am a Teacher and also a licensed Counselor. (I know strange combo - AMEN to that statement..LOL!) Well, usually when I meet new people I will tell them the Teacher part but NEVER usually the Counselor part..for oh, so many reasons. Anyhoo, I was talking to a co-worker last week who made me feel so sad & so thankful at the same time. This lady we will call her Ella. Ella is 34, a fellow Teacher and is working towards SMBC (Single Motherhood By Choice). Ella is the exact Example of what I don't want to be in regards to SMBC. Ella is 100% Lonely...over time this baby was her answer to "fill this void" in her life. My heart goes out to her...sincerely. However, I have had some long talks with her....NO person at my job knows my SMBC plans. Ella has no confidence, has self esteem issues..specially regarding her weight, hungers deeply for a significant other, is easily influenced and lacks a backbone to stand up for herself. For so long I have simply been a good "ear" to Ella and wanted to be a friendly shoulder to lean on. Last week, however she came to me and told me about her sudden 1 night stand and/or donor sperm SMBC plans........she ASKED me what I thought.....I said I wished her the best. Her response...."I will finally have someone to love me." I couldn't walk away from that...I just couldn't..I care about her to much.(well, to be honest, I care about anyone that much..it is the counselor in me) I needed to vent a little here about situations like this. I call this situation and EMOTIONAL CHECK. Where someone, this poor baby, will come into the world with EMOTIONAL DEBT owed to Mommy. No one deserves this, certainly NOT your baby. Ella is a WONDERFUL person and will make someone out there a wonderful Wife &/or Mother someday. Either One or Both. How I wish all the "Ella's" in the world could realize what wonderful gifts THEY have to give the world. The truth is NO ONE can ever "fix" what ails you......Only you can tap this Emotional battlefield. No child can ever truly fill this imbalance......and it is not their Job to try. I know Ella very well and I wish her the best, I just hope she REALLY searches inside herself for some answers to some TOUGH questions. I WILL NOT counsel or give advice(professionally) in my Teaching Job but as I friend I mentioned how much thought may need to go into the Choice & I wished her all the best.
I was out to dinner that night with a friend & I kept thinking about the situation. I am such an over-thinker..it is how I am wired. I am TRULY a nerd....I can't imagine making a decision like this on such a whim, I have seen the end results after people do & I can't handle that.
I am sure this post will scare off the readers I have left....but come on ladies stick with me....I just had to ramble here tonight..I needed it.

OK..I am done rambling..put a Fork in Me...cause I am DONE! Now, moving forward....On Sunday I am going to fix-up the Blog..put up new Tickers etc. I will be back to regular posts..as much as possible.

HEY.......SEX & THE CITY FANS......DID YA HEAR OUR "GIRLS" ARE MAKING A MOVIE????? Hell Yea.....this SATC Fan will be there with bells on....can they Make the Movie already!
Goodnight Peeps!

Mi Vida LOCA! (My Crazy Life!)

Hola, Folks. I feel like it has been forever since I posted. I needed to take a step back from all this TTC and I am closing out for the summer at work soooo, I have been slammed. Usually I am OFF for the summers....not any longer now that I work as a Teacher Trainer, my teaching Pregnant Youth is finished for the summer but it is 100% office work for me now until September. Ugh, but hey, it helps me plan for the year to come and try to have some excellent motivation plans for the new crop of teachers this year. The burnout is brutal in my profession & teachers are leaving the field in droves.

Anyway, I just returned from New York City! WOW, it is crazy I have been to Tokyo 12+ times and never took the time to explore New York City! I LOVE it! Below I put some pictures for all to check out. I will tell you what.....I picked a great time to see the City....it was FLEET WEEK......Yes, 100's of fit Sailors were in Uniform and in the streets taking in the sights. I met a few charming Gentleman that made me Smile......Thanks for that boys....it made a Gal feel young & free for about all of 20 minutes! LOL! Anyhoo......here are some of my recommendations and points of interest I hit!

1. BRING A TON OF MONEY.............You are gonna need it......This city is $$$$$$$!
2. We stayed (Mom & Me.....mother/daughter trip 2007) in the Upper West Side right by The Museum of Natural History & Amazing Planetarium - I LOVE this section of New York...it is more $$$ but worth it.....take my word, you will love strolling in Central Park right across the street too!
3. I went to Lincoln Center & the Met Opera House....WOW...am I showing my NERD side here? I ADORE Ballet & I was able to see 2 of my Favorite Principal Ballet Dancers preforming in Othello....it was amazing...I cried!
4. Of Course I did the Tourist sites of: The Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, Empire State Building, Times Square Center, etc.....I enjoyed it ALL.
5. I was able to surprise Mom with a trip to The famous Tavern on the Green Restaurant in Central Park West...no words can describe it....simply amazing! Worth the hassle to get reservations & worth the price I must admit. Try it!
6. I was able to meet some great people on this vacation too....in fact I went to dinner with 2 people I met, they were so much fun and really a joy to come across. I enjoy meeting new people.
7. If you are a Museum & Science nerd like me, I recommend the Museum of Natural History and the Planetarium....GREAT! The Museum is BIG by NYC standards but not for me....I am from right outside of Washington D.C. where the BEST Museums in the WORLD are....The Smithsonian. OK, maybe I am biased but hey.....they are terrific! Now, the Planetarium.....folks get there FAST....especially if you have children they will be stunned speechless, which is hard to do!
8. I went into some upscale Shops just to check the merchandise.....Let me say at PRADA I found shirts for $2,000 yep, I got the HELL out of there in a hurry before I tripped on something...LOL!
9. Did I mention bring a TON of Money? LOL! Just kidding, well sort of anyway!
   

One unfortunate fact for me is that for everything I did, there were 2 others I could not do. I tell you what if I EVER become wealthy (unlikely) I am going to do it all with no time constraints.

Well, enough chatting.......needless to say, I needed the break! I am not sure when I am getting back on the TTC train but I don't believe in rushing myself, so I will go for it when the time is right. I am glad to be back & to support my Blog buddies in the TTC adventure right now! I LOVE you ladies, I am happy to be back!

I'm Baaackkk!

Can you guess what I have been up to? Here are a few pics of my adventures these last days I have been MIA. SHAMU anyone?

I wanted to THANK EVERYONE for your sweet and thoughtful comments. They truly mean the world to me! I wish we all lived close & we could have a HUGE BBQ together..LOL! Now, How am I? I am doing well. I feel better & I am shocked that my cycle is apparently right back to normal...after the first nightmarish days during the Miscarriage. The Hospital Stay sucked..the Nurses & Dr's were FAB-U-LOUS but I just can NOT stand the Hospital. I got out of there as fast as possible....my Dr. was pushing for 2 more days on the floor...needless to say..HECK NO! I needed OUT! I heal better at home with my peeps anyway.

News...I am charting this cycle, temps & all. I have a feeling even though my cycles have been NORMAL for eons..that my Luteal Phase maybe shorter & I want to check my Progesterone....temping is the BEST natural first step. I am taking b-6 at a HIGH dose so we will see how that affects anything. So far though..my cycle is great with no abnormalities. (I promise to update my Cycle TICKERS soon). I am VERY patient & I realize this is the time I need to take my time. In fact my Specialist was showing me studies in the Medical Journals that have evidence that women who RUSH or have high anxiety after a Miscarriage have a longer wait for cycles to return to normal & a longer time to achieve another BFP. I know that anxiety for anything is hard on our bodies. Yes, I am a teacher nerd but remember I am also a licensed Counselor..soooooo.....I REALLY agree that ANXIETY robs joy. I am taking each day in stride & I am doing very well. I look forward to the BFP that sticks.

Next time I will share news on my upcoming trip....here is a hint....This city has a FRUIT as its symbol??? Any Guesses?

LOve to all my Blog Buddies and BEST of Luck to all my TWW'ers right now..I am SUPER Pumped for you!

And then there was NONE

Well, I wanted to get on very quickly to at least let everyone know I am still alive. My "Baby" however is not. Needless to say, I was right my pain was not normal and I have been in the hospital for 2 days. (Out Now) I lost the baby. I want to thank EVERYONE for such an overwhelming positive response of Congratulations. I appreciate EACH & EVERY ONE. In a few days I promise to re-count exactly what happened, etc. Now......I just don't have the strength. Really what else can you say after you lose what seems like a Bucket of blood and HUGE blobs of tissue that you are told were the makings of your "baby." No words really seem to fit right now...

I'm Bacccck!

Ok, Ladies.......I am back.:) I was going to stay away for about 1 week more before I posted but I decided to come on back early. What are the results? I have NO Idea. This what I do Know:

1. In a box over a period of 8 months I purchased HPT's....they were in a box. (yes, I said were). I had 17 HPT's in that box. (yes, I said HAD).
2. Because I put a limit on myself I promised myself if I used up ALL 17 HPT's (which I did!) I wasn't allowed to test again until my period was 3 days Late.
3. On CD 25.....my (BBT) temp went down & I woke to VERY light spotting. TMI ALERT: Spotting was VERY strange...BROWN & Brownish pink Only. (light only) In my heart...I wrote this cycle off.
4. CD 26....Temp still the same as above. Spotting still occurring....mostly only Pinkish & only when I wipe.....by 7:00 p.m. it was completely gone.
5. CD 27.....Temp went up again. What the heck? Anyhoo, No spotting & Today period was due. I have NEVER been late on my period. I refuse to test until Sunday or wait & see if my period comes.
6. I have NO idea what to think....I still don't think I am pregnant and I won't until I see a BFP.
7. Today is CD 27 for me......12 DPO. So here I am....NO AF & NO idea if I am pregnant or not. I plan to keep tempting also.

Thanks for all the well wishes. I send each one back 100 Fold to YOU each no matter what stage in your journey to Motherhood you are on!

Hugs & Love everyone!

Time is officially standing still.......

Hello all.....9 DPO here. I am in the land of "I don't have a clue" in regards to could I be or Not be pregnant. I was scheduled off today and my plan was to do a TON of fun stuff Saturday, Sunday & Monday.....NONE of it happened. I tried but suddenly my Mom got sick & that was that. Mom had some sudden INTENSE pain in her leg that radiated up to her chest...needless to say, all plans cancelled & she was my focus. The good news is, it wasn't a blood clot or anything heart related. (Thank God). It was Intense spasms from Kidney enzymes dropping due to a terrible kidney infection. Relief is now beginning and she has a ton of antibiotics & me & my father clucking over her like protective Mother Hens. I knew it was serious on Saturday because we walked into Walt Disney World, (The Magic Kingdom) and my Mom suddenly started limping.....15 minutes later, she was slurring her speech. I am sure you can imagine the thoughts that were going through my mind. Luckily, in reality it wasn't anything that bad. I have had a sick mother so long be it Cancer or diabetes I can sling needles and the like without even flinching. Sometimes I even wonder WHY I became a teacher instead of a nurse.
Anyhoo, the great news it that she is feeling better physically. Now, emotionally, that is moving along slower. My mother gets super emotional & depressed when plans are cancelled or altered because of her health. She is always telling me that one day I will finally get my life back when she dies. Hey, her meltdowns don't phase me, because the last thing my mother needs is another member at her Pity Party table. I give her Tough love because I love her....if I got depressed or crashed & burned all the time like she does...where they heck would she be?? My Dad simply isn't tough enough so needless to say I complete the roll. I do it because I love her & I KNOW when she was at her optimal health she would do it for me.
***Now, about this TWW....it is slowly going by. Sure I have been busy, but I still think about it over & over....in my head. In my deepest, deepest gut I feel a BFN this cycle but only time will tell. I will officially start testing on 10 DPO tomorrow night.......& I will continue until my period comes OR BFP. Have I broken down & tested RIDICULOUSLY early yet.........Heck Yeah, Partners. Of course you know it was negative but I HAD to get it out my system.
Hugs to all my Blog Buddies.....Baby Dust to us ALL.....:)

Strange Happenings......

Ok, as previously mentioned I am strong realist so I am not into over analyzing maybe yes / maybe no symptoms. However, today something STRANGE happened. First at my 3rd meeting today at work I got strangely nauseous....I went to the bathroom but never threw up. At first I figured I was talking myself into the situation but it stopped after about 10 minutes.
I simply went on with my day. This evening I was out with my Mom at the fabric store and I walked away from her and began to get nauseous again...it felt crappy because I am almost NEVER nauseous unless I am getting sick.(which is possible). Still I figured it means NOTHING it is only 6 DPO...when BAM.......I began to get CRAMPS that were strong for almost 3 hours & just NOW let up to interrment twinges. In my 31 years I have NEVER felt these cramps......what the Hell are they?????? The cramping began in the right ovary, then the left & then spread like a LINE across the whole area.....ovary to ovary. OUUUCH! I have a high pain threshold BUT the truth is it hurt. I have never gotten my period early before or really had cramps so if that is what is going on......it sucks. Plus...TMI alert.....TURN BACK.....YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!!!!!! Plus, I am always DRY at this point in my cycle but this morning I felt "strange" and I checked.....I have white Creamy/Clumpy/pasty CM.....WHAT? (No not the infection kind). Needless to say....this whole cycle has be stumped. I simply do not know what to think. Oh, well......guess only time will tell.

Bring on Friday & other Ramblings...

Ok. let me start by saying...5 DPO here. Just pluggin along......darn why isn't it 10 or 11 DPO already? Let's DO this...Uterus - BRING IT ON!
Now on to other thoughts....FRIDAY I am in meetings ALL day......UGGH......such is life I guess. But I am OFF Monday and I plan to enjoy my 3 day weekend! Yippee.....I plan on going to Disney World on Sunday & Monday....bring on the Buckets of Popcorn..I LOVE that stuff! Screw my Diet.....I need Butter!

Now.....to broach another topic....my chat board for my Sperm Bank. I have been around since it was created YEARS ago & have seen tons of folks go & come and so on & so forth. However, last night I was reading some posts & I realized....it isn't the same board it used to be. We have more immaturity & fiestyness now.......in the "old" days it was 4 Parts SUPPORT & 1 part prickliness. Well, I guess I realized I am simply outgrowing it or vice versa. I post when I think someone "might" care what I have to say & will post to support & congratulate when I am able. I am always rooting for EVERYONE. As Mary J. Blige sings...."No More Drama in Our Lives." That is how I live my life.....WITHOUT Diva Drama. One PLUS I have met some INCREDIBLE folks on the board so I am so thankful we can all share our journey's with support, advice, honesty (good/bad..whatever) and diversity. Thanks to all my faithful readers that take time from your busy schedules to read & care about me, my life and my thoughts on all the above.
Thanks for being YOU!

Plugging along - 3 DPO

Well here I am at little old boring 3 DPO. Hey, I am a realist & bottom line even if the sperm & egg met up....I won't be feeling anything until 8 - 10 DPO anyway. (Implantation) Needless to say, NO symptoms. I told myself since I have so many extra HPT's I can test as much as I feel like it. I won't test ridiculously early but I think in about 7 or 8 days I will start testing...My Motto....."Why the Hell Not?" Work has been CRAZY....students have been off the wall....they want summer NOW. Hey, so do I, even though this year as a Trainer for teachers...I will be working ALL summer. Oh, Well such is life. I do love young people and I enjoy this program I am working with so much. Sure it is hard to be around Pregnant Teens 3 days a week but I enjoy teaching them & encouraging them. I want them to realize a roadblock is not the ENDING unless you let it be.....Figure out how to remove it & then get on a new Path.

HAPPY EASTER & 1 DPO

Well, I just got back from Church Services and I need to get back to making food for our Easter Dinner tonight. I am having my Friend & her Husband for dinner with my family. Just had to jump on to send a VERY HAPPY EASTER, message. Enjoy your yourself, your friends, furbabies, family or whatever today.

On the TTC front....I am 1 DPO (days past ovulation) today.

Well...What's Done is Done!

Well, no looking back...what's to be will be. It is 1:15 a.m. here in my neck of the woods & my 2nd & Last AI is complete. How do I feel? Fine. I must be honest though...I really think timing wise this try may not be it. I am a VERY positive person but messing up the first AI really cut down my chances. Although I figure plenty of folks use 1 vial a cycle & they got Preggo. I plan on taking it 1 day at a time and consider myself maybe pregnant until "The Witch" (a.k.a My Period) arrives. Thanks for all the Baby Dust Ladies, I really appreciate it. Great to see my long time buddies able to post too!
Let the TRUE Insanity begin on the TWW (two week wait) to get the verdict!

+OPK and a moment of PURE Insanity!

First, the Good News.......my Surge just made its appearance at 10 p.m.! Check out my Pics.......:)

The Dark Line on each Line Test is my SURGE Line....Yehawwww!


Now, for the Insanity/Stupidity section. This morning when I still hadn't gotten my surge & had tons of EWCM (Fertile Egg-White Cervical Mucous) I panicked that I had missed my surge & YES...I used one Vial at 6:00 a.m. this morning.....DAMN! It isn't like I don't know my cycles...but I can't explain it...I guess I panicked under pressure because my Surge was about 8 hours later than my 4 previous cycle chartings. Oh, well needless to say, it looks like a $200 mistake. Although miracles happen everyday...EVEN with frozen sperm. Hey, last year one of my buddies on my Chatboard that doesn't post anymore...had 1 vial left in storage & used it on mistake almost a full 51 hours before her thermal shift/Ovulation & she got a BFP. Frozen Sperm isn't even supposed to live that long...proves anything can happen sometime!

Anyhoo, now that I have my REAL surge I figure I will Inseminate 26 - 30 hours past surge & chalk this cycle up to maybe yes & maybe crazy timing.

Well, I want to wish everyone a Blessed Good Friday and HOPPY Easter.

Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock...waiting on the +OPK

Well, all is Ok....just waiting on the +OPK (Ovulation Predictor - "pee stick" that lets you know when a LH surge is noticed in your cycle) For folks that are not familiar, that just means the Tester Stick that alerts you to your MOST Fertile Peak days. (average 2 days per cycle)
Anyhoo, I am close to the surge....but no +OPK Yet. I have increased CM (cervical mucous) and the OPK sticks are darkening as I type....just waiting on the +.

I REALLY, REALLY appreciate all the well wishes....I am so thankful for each & every response. Hugs to you ALL. Now, bring on the +OPK already!

Let the Cycle Talk BEGIN! BIG NEWS, TOO

Ok, my blog will be turning to Cycle Charting 101. I am excited to say the least. FIRST, I wanted to say I FINALLY was able to put quilting squares in the mail for Connie & Kelli....I am sorry Ladies....Please, sentence me to lashes with a wet noodle..I deserve it! Please enjoy. I am at Cycle Day (CD) 9.....I usually have my LH surge on CD 11 or 12. I have had a +OPK surge on CD 10 before. I may have mis-calculated that month, but hey who knows.
Something I may not have shared.......even though I moved my parents into my home..I have NOT told my Dad about my SMBC plans. Until Saturday that is. My Mom has known of my plans for 4 years but as so much time has went by I think she had begun to think it just wasn't going to happen. Well, Saturday I sat down with my father and it went INCREDIBLY! I have always been close with my family & have always been open/honest....this path however I just wasn't certain about his initial reaction. I KNEW he would be 100% behind me, but I wondered if he would really understand what AI is..etc, etc. Color me Surprised.....he not only understood the process but he asked me many wonderful questions. Then he said......"I can't believe it...I am going to be a "Poppie." (Granddad). He told me no matter what happens he is here for ANY support I ever need..emotional/financial..WHATEVER! I have always been an independent over-achiever & have lived on my own since I went to college. So, my dad said he NEVER doubted my ability to care for my child or children. He told me how proud he was of me and how he couldn't wait for the news...either biological or adopted he said he was THRILLED. My parents are OVER the MOON about this baby......wow. I must share that I have always been a free spirit so this decision has always been MINE....no matter what anyone had said..I would still be proceeding. I am an adult professional that has the financial security to take care of myself and anyone else I bring into this world....why would I let a little small-mindedness stop me?? Neeldess to say I am super Happy to hear my Fathers thoughts and his excitement!
Now.....to go back to my AI schedule. As soon as my +OPK surge is detected I will do my Insemination's at 18 & 36 Hours past that surge. I went back & forth on the 12 & 24 hours or 24 & 48 Hours AND came to the conclusion that 18 & 36 hours past surge is an excellent start for me. Any of my long time TTC's..feel free to sound off on my timing. Suggestions are ALWAYS accepted around these parts! Guess what OPK's I am using.....your gonna laugh. (Folks in the TTC arena understand the humor here) Because I couldn't choose I will be using ANSWER, CLEAR BLUE EASY DIGITAL SMILEY, CLEAR BLUE EASY 2 LINE and INTERNET CHEAPIES (ic's). If I don't find my surge I am looney!
Well....I need to run but please keep me in your prayers during this exciting but Stressful process. Hugs to all my Blog Buddies.......I hope 2008 is the YEAR we ALL have our babies in our arms. I could care less HOW we become moms; Surrogacy, Adoption, Pregnancy.....all paths lead to Motherhood!

Guess who came to my home?????

Well, after 2 YEARS in the works & 3 cancelled AI start dates..GUESS WHAT ARRIVED TODAY............My Swimmers..A.K.A "My Man in a Can." Weeehaw.....I am still stunned. Sure I paid for them but to see them HERE...Holy Crap...I am REALLY going through with this......EEEEK! Tomorrow I will post pics of my latest Baby purchases.......but for tonight, Just Pics from my Last Disney World Visit with my Company. Please Enjoy.

A Wow Moment....

Today at work as I was literally working on 7 things at one time, I was thinking about my co-workers. Why? Because some of my fellow teachers and administrators are simply fabulous but some....hehehehe......are cesspools of negativity and gloom. I listen to the perpetual "bitchers" (my words)......life always sucks, work sucks, their spouse sucks as does their dog, kids, curtains, hair, lot in life and car. (LOL!) Let me just tell you folks tease me sometimes at work because I am a Happy Camper. Yes, I am that lady that wants everyone to Pass the Spirit stick and STOP Freakin sweating the small stuff. (As many of us know....it is ALL small stuff). Anyway, something INSANE happened at work today. It is spring break in my county, which means no students or traditional teachers...just administration and Educational Trainers(Teaches new teachers), etc. Well, today we had a team building conference..yeah..a riot, anyway there were all 35 of us there and some of the comments, I wish you guys could have heard them. NEVER think that just because someone is a Teacher, means they are a super positive person. NO....I learned that about 10 minutes after I graduated from College (undergrad) in my first classroom.
Anyway, I was laughing to myself about the surprise many of my co-workers will exhibit when I show up pregnant one day at work. Like I mentioned previously....I LOVE my Job and most of the folks there BUT it isn't my style to share all my BIZ-ness (like the spelling?) at work. I don't want anyone at work to know I am TTC because of the constant questions & asking when I will know etc...plus if it takes awhile I will see that stinking pity look that I CAN NOT Stand. Once it happens, I will tell my close friends as soon as I feel like....when...who knows. I have 5 SUPER close friends I promised to tell them right away....other than that......I will do what I feel like doing.
*On a sad note, last night I had such a realistic dream about my Fiance....it was as if he was still alive & we were bickering about which vehicles have the best ratings, etc. I PRAY that if you are reading this you NEVER find out what it is like to find your SOUL MATE...spend YEARS together & then BAM....lose him/her suddenly. I am truly on the other side now but in all honesty I wouldn't wish the experience on my worst enemy. (Years have passed now). Why, am I mentioning this? Because I started this blog as an outlet for anything I feel like sharing, so honesty is my policy.

Hola, Como Estas?

Well.....I am happy to be back folks and hopefully life can officially be back to normal. It has been crazy days since my last post. First, let me say I am so Happy to be catching-up on all my buddies blogs..it will take a few days but I will get up to speed. Looks like we have some TERRIFIC news...some WONDERFUL...Big Fat Positives in my absence. HECK YEAH!! Congratulations to ALL the New Mommies-to-Be!
In addition to many happenings going on here at home & at work....I just had two guests leave that have been staying for 9 days. I am wiped OUT! Nothing like going to all the BIG Central Florida sites in less than 8 days, still work (some days) and try to complete lessons to make you CRAZY. Some of the places I have been in the last 9 days....All Disney parks..YES, Magic Kingdom, Animal Kingdom, Epcot and MGM Studios....ALSO..... Sea World, Cape Canaveral (NASA), Busch Gardens, Universal Studios, Islands of Adventure, Cypress Gardens, Outlet Shopping AND Downtown Disney! Is your head SPINNING Yet????? Imagine how I feel...hehehehehe. These long time family friends have NEVER been to Florida & decided to do the town! I am actually exhausted now & my throat is Hoarse from so much talking & laughing...PLUS the POLLEN is brutal in Florida right now! Needless to say.....I feel like I could sleep for 3 days straight...LOL. Am I getting Old or what?
Anyway, I need to update my ticker I am CD 2 here....at least it is CD 2 or 1......OK, I going to stand by CD 2. YES, this is my REAL deal cycle. I have purchased my "MAN IN A CAN" (donor sperm vials...lol) and my shipping date is all scheduled nice & early for Thursday. All I am doing now is waiting. I am doing my attempts at home for 6 cycles...after that.....I will let my Dr. handle it all. I PRAY it works at home....I am a private person and I prefer this method. However, I will do what it takes to get pregnant.
**In the next days I post some pics from the excursions this week...have a terrific week everyone!*

Curse of the New SUV

Watch OUT...VENT ahead...turn back if you really don't need to read a release of steam right now! GROOOOWWWWLL! Did I mention a few weeks back I bought a new car? Well, I did a brand new Expedition with the DVD Entertainment System and all the extra bells & whistles I was looking for. Let me just say, my Mom was talking with me about my car choice before I went to the dealership, just curious - wondering what I was going to buy......her words, why don't you just choose a nice, new, loaded - mommy - MINI VAN. Why? I replied......did we just meet? I HATE MINIVANS.....yes, I said it....I HATE very few things in this life but YES, Minivans are one of them. Want to know something else? I also own a minivan....yeah I know, read & repeat the above statements in CAPS. When I was having this house built I needed a 2nd car that I could load up....I chose a used Minivan that I could purchase straight cash. Boy, after YEARS of smack talking..let me tell you....I still hear the rips & teasing me about FINALLY caving in & buying a Minivan. Anyhoo, now that I have been in my home 1 year & I went through the Re-Finance I knew it was time to buy Car #3......sure I weighed all the pros/cons......guess what .....HELLS NO to a new minivan! I opted for a gas guzzlin Expedition....hey....I knew no car loans for the last 5 years couldn't last forever.
OK....HERE comes the vent part.......after fielding 101 questions from my Mom, etc....GUESS WHAT Happens?? I have my New SUV less than 2 .5 weeks & WHAM.....it is at the dealer.....TRANSMISSION Sucks....needless to say I went off (Professionally) on the staff when they implied this "little lady" just didn't understand how a big SUV works....(kiss it boys!) I was right I might add & after 5 "male experts" (insert sarcasm here) at the dealership have been working for almost 2 weeks they find what..... I was right all along.....needless to say, due to this fact, I am getting a brand NEW transmission out of the deal. GROOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWLLLLLL...............Sometimes the curves in the road of life can drive you batty. One thing I am happy about is the great safety rating, yada, yada...at least my new addition will ride smoothly....IF I EVER GET MY CAR BACK!!! Before the monster went berserk.....I took my 3 Furbabies, parents and a family friend to the beach (only 30 miles away) .........we enjoyed the trip & the poms were having a fuzzy ball.
Granted.....I am 100% aware the car business is NOT even close to the worst things that could happen...HOWEVER, it still has sucked in its own right! Wanna know the MOST ironic part that has my Mom snickering? I am driving my loyal Minivan while my new Monster is being repaired. Damn.......(There may be a lesson here..LOL!)

So Much to Do..so Little Time!

Ugh....finally a light at the end of the tunnel that is my life! I have had so much to tackle each day, I haven't been able to blog more than 1 time a week. For me, that sucks..plain & simple. Looks like I will begin to have more time & then I can get back to blogging more.
Let me give a status to all the caring folks out there that take time from their busy lives to read a little about mine.
I am on Cycle Day (CD) 7. This cycle I will NOT be doing AI..this cycle is a DRY RUN Only. What is a Dry Run? A Dry Run is where you chart strictly, use OPK's to detect your LH Surge and proceed as if this was the MAIN EVENT...without actually using Donor Sperm. That will be me shortly. NEXT Cycle, I will be Using Frozen Donor Sperm from an Establish Donor Bank in an attempt to get that Elusive BIG FAT POSITIVE (or BFP). WHAT is a Big Fat Positive....it is a positive Pregnancy Test. I tried to explain a few of the terms above to help any of my readers that don't have a CLUE about Artificial Insemination or Donor Sperm. My plan at this point is to use this above mentioned Bank for a Max of 4 -5 Cycles before I move to another bank & allow my Specialist to take over. I believe in taking everything one day at a time and crossing bridges as I come to them....so no extra stress in advance thinking about what if this doesn't work or that doesn't work. I will go forward & meet any or all challenges at that time.

THINGS I HAVE ACCOMPLISHED FOR THE BABY

1. Went to my Attorney and Drafted my Will (Then I will just need to adjust slightly once the baby comes..positive thinking:)
2. Took out an additional 175K in Life Insurance which will then bring my coverage to over 550K......simply because I want to protect any child or children I have as much as I responsibly am able.
3. I finished my painting projects and large wall portrait hangings....ugh..the work SUCKS big time!!
4. I have begun to organize the "baby's room." Just grouping items & attempting to get bins and label things. This will take awhile.
5. I made a memory box from my heart.....in it I placed mementos that mean something to me & my life....one day I will give this to my child. I want to let them know more about what I was like the Month prior to starting this journey.

Well, so far that is it. I have had so much Teacher Related stuff to do this week I have been going like an Energizer Bunny. I am pooped! FCAT (Florida Standards of Learning Assessments) Have been kicking every certified Teachers but in the State right now.....GROWL. I just can stand any Test that has students in tears, nervous wrecks, throwing up in restrooms etc about passing it. Simply put in Florida....as a High School Student if you Do NOT pass your FCAT's you DO NOT Graduate....YES, even if you were a straight A student......if you can't pass the Standardized test then you do not Graduate or walk with your Class in a Traditional Setting. GROWL.....I guess you can read between the lines about how I feel about this State's Educational Priorities.

Ok, Ok....enough of my Craziness. I am off to get ready some relaxation before bed. A New L Word comes on tonight...Last Weeks..was rather insane & hell it cracked me up. To be honest though, it doesn't take much to make me laugh!

HUGS to everyone!

Blog Withdrawl...meds needed!

OK, my apologizes again & again to my fellow Blog buddies. Needless to say, I have ALOT of Blog reading to catch up on, Quilting Squares to send, Fires to put out, Dogs to Groom and a list of other items that would BORE you to tears right now. I do promise to get up to speed on all my Buddies & get my Quilting Squares mailed NEXT Week. (Sorry for the delay Kelli & Connie) I have really missed reading about the lives of some of the MOST wonderful Ladies in the world! I just wanted to mention it has simply been a pleasure, going through this journey with others that can empathise & support each other. Where would I be without all of you???? HUGS, Chicas!!

NOW.....on to my Doctor Appt with my OB/GYN. First, let me say...BERRYMOM, this reminded me of what happen when you were planning TTC. My Doctor went through all my Medical stuff (I will explain on a later post) & I mentioned my Weight, etc & my expected date of TTC. Per My Specialist he thinks I have NO REASON to wait to AI....in fact he was AGAINST my weight loss right now...(Damn him!) I understand his perspective & the reasons, ovulation can be thrown off, yada, yada, yada. So I weighed in at 140 pounds at the OB/GYN Office & that my dears is where I will stop for now. Now, here is the CRAZY part.....I have been wanting to TTC for 3 years....YES, 3 Years....so now, WHY after my health has FINALLY been cleared for take off....was I a nervous wreck on the way home? I want this Baby more than ANYTHING I have ever wanted in my life....YET, I thought of 5 reasons why I may not be the BEST mother. GROWL, I am a crazy teacher lady....sometimes I spend so much thinking, I think I need a vacation from MYSELF! So, this next cycle is my DRY RUN & Practice & it looks like.......Around GOOD FRIDAY I will be undergoing my first AI's. (Artifical Insemination).
Ok, I will update more tomorrow night & catch up with all of you.....BRING ON THE BFP'S...........I AM READY TO CONGRATULATE FOLKS ALREADY!!!

I'm Back and Crazy as Ever!

Ladies & Gentlemen,

First let me say, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for all the wonderful comments on my blog. I am sorry I have been suddenly MIA. Life went a bit CRAZY for awhile. See Below for details. I sure missed reading about everyone's days & goings-on, etc. In the week & a couple days I have been "out of commission" I have accomplished alot.

WHAT I HAVE BEEN UP TO:

• Refinanced my House & Closed & Settled already. (Yeah for cash!)
• Purchased a New SUV (Much needed..but I HATE Car payments..GROWL!!)
• Taught 3 UNEXPECTED New Teacher Seminars for the School Board...whew! I am dead tired from all that Bureaucracy!
• Made 12 Curriculum Maps for my Alternative Education Students & then realized 3 sucked big time & had to do them all over!
  BIG Doctor App't......details Tomorrow!!!
• Painted 4 Rooms in my Home & finally got the "plans" completed on how I will decorate the Baby's Room.
• Renewed my Disney Passes after I thought I might not due to the $$$.
• Went to Epcot & the Magic Kingdom with my Cousin...we had a blast!
• And simply Contined being a Crazy Teacher Lady!!!!

Here's a Picture OR Two.......................

Retail Theraphy in Progress.....

Just a few of the things I bought for the "baby" this weekend. Yeah, I know I said I was cutting down on my purchases, but I changed my mind. It is a Woman's prerogative after all!

I bought 3 "boy" themed blankies on Saturday also.

I couldn't resist the HUG ME Blanket with built-in Squeaker and Satin/Silky Lining.:)

And how can you ever go wrong with "I LOVE MOMMY" Embroidered Bibs? Wanna think I am really insane? I counted all my Bibs I have purchased over the last 3 years I been working towards Single Motherhood.....take a Guess. WRONG.....108. Yes, I need to be committed. I have almost every theme possible I think. I need a kid Quick.

P.S. At the Bottom you will see Pics of my newest purchases for my Nursery Theme. Can you guess what I am doing? Yes, the Winnie the Pooh Theme. I know about a million folks a day choose this theme but I plan to do it originally, my way. I was going with a POTTERY BARN theme....but at the last minute I changed my mind. Have I ever mentioned I ADORE the POTTERY BARN. If you have never heard of the Pottery Barn (Is this even possible? LOL), Check it out HERE. I have always loved Pooh so I said...."What the Heck...go cheesy." I found a lovely & vibrant Pooh RUG and a Vibrant Border. So Far, So Good. Well...TTFN!! (Ta-Ta For Now!)

Prayers for my Fellow Floridians

Loss of life no matter how big or small is devastating. As I watched the death Total rise from our most recent storm in Florida I have felt such sadness for the victims and their families. In this instance the worst hit areas were Retirement Communities filled with Elderly Citizens many of which live in Retirement Mobile Home Parks. My Prayers go out to all the families in the areas affected. Here we had strong wind and terrible Rains but LESS than 45 miles away folks were losing their LIVES! It really puts in perspective what is REALLY Important in this world.

Woohooooo...Weigh In & the CRAZY Dream!

Well after two weeks and not getting on the scale.........DRUM ROLL PLEASE.............I am down 8 more pounds! I am super, duper HAPPY! I am starting to believe in MY Soul that I can do this! I feel better already and I am starting to really notice a difference in my clothes....YIPPEE! Now, I know I am going to gain weight Pregnant & I AM FINE with that. I just want to lower my starting weight PRIOR to the Main event. Today I was thinking about AF and that since I will be attempting my First AI with NW in May....I only have 3 more Periods Before SHOWTIME!!! Holy CRAP....am I OUT of my Freakin Mind???? My mind was spinning in about 3 different directions as I began to REALLY think about my reality. The resulting Final VERDICT....I CAN'T WAIT TO BEGIN!!!

I was out at the Baby Gap today & YES, I bought a few boy and girl outfits....just for a little Retail Therapy. I figure if all else fails...I have gifts in advance for my 2 currently Preggo Friends!!!
Oh, I had a CRAZY Dream Last Night......I was at the store and a Woman approached me and said, "Your Twins are so precious, what cuties!" I turned my head & there were 2 infants in a stroller that came out of NOWHERE.....They had cold black Hair, HUGE Grey eyes and Deep Tan complexions like many folks from Greece. I starred at them and I noticed they each had an Embroidered Pillow with what I assumed was their names: KAIDEN & KIAH. I woke up in a COLD sweat.......AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Get ready for honesty here....I think I am an Oddity, I hear women speak of how much they want twins, multiples, etc. Guess What? I am COMPLETELY the opposite! I have NEVER wanted Twins, Triplets, etc. In my Family we have...get ready Now: 4 SETS of Twins....2 Identical and 3 Sets of Triplets......AHHH! All NATURALLY Conceived...NO DRUGS to achieve those pregnancies. We ALSO have 2 sets of TWINS conceived WITH Drugs & 2 Sets of Quads conceived with Drugs. NEEDLESS to say, I am VERY, VERY Familiar with the reality of Multiple Births AND I prefer a singleton for Many reasons. So this dream was Wild for me....certainly also because I have never even picked those names. I will say it will be a BLESSING no matter happens and I will be over the moon but hey, a Lady has to have PREFERENCES!

One Hell of a Day in Teacherville!

Wow, I am stinking Tired. The TWO Main Reasons are as follows: CD 1, A.K.A the Red Bandit came in with a BANG, or should I say CRAMP and my Students were literally INSANE Today. Just a short re-cap for my New Readers let me tell you a little about My Job. I am Certified Teacher that has spent MOST of her credentialed Years in the Elementary School system of the U.S and a few years Teaching in Japan & Hong Kong. This year I was teaching 2nd Grade & loving it when I was offered an incredible Opportunity within my County. After MUCH anguish and debate I accepted the new Position. I am a Teacher that moves throughout my County "Teaching & Advising" New Teachers 4 days a week & 2 Days a week I work in an Alternative School Teaching Pregnant "homebound" youth in a Public school that keeps them from dropping out & helps them obtain their Diploma's. So, needless to say, this transition from the Little Ones to the Big Ones that ACT like Little Ones has already been an INCREDIBLE Learning experience.
Today, it was like anything off the wall that could happen, was happening. I had a Pregnant student go into Labor DURING Class...YES, Virginia, I said, L-A-B-O-R! Ahhhh & she is Only 7.5 Months. Thank God we held it together, kept our Cool and she made it to the Hospital Quickly. I went visit her this evening & They have stopped her labor and she will be in the hospital until further notice. (She is doing well) Interestingly enough, she asked if I would make a packet of her work and if I would stop over next week to go over it with her. See......don't GIVE-UP on these young people, YES, they are making bad choices but many are TRYING to go forward. As long as their is breath their is HOPE! Anyway, as if that wasn't enough....after the Labor situation I was teaching a lesson on Algebraic Equations (FUN..yeah, right) when we all heard a Big "POP" and the circuit breaker TRIPPED and all the lights, projectors, computers, etc ALL Shut Down....there went my Power Point Presentation! What did my Students do? After we realized what happened they all Clapped & Whooped & Hollered....what a sight! YEP, you guess it....school ended early and they were REAL sad about that. (LOL) Plus they were REALLY Happy because they have Friday OFF sooooo......all in all, I call it one Hell of a Day here in Teacherville!!!


Now, I wanted to send out Special PRAYERS and WELL WISHES to my TTC buddies that unfortunately did not make it to that Blessed BFP (Big Fat Positive - Pregnancy Test) this cycle. Keep up the INCREDIBLE Attitudes Ladies, I am rooting for Each & Every One of You.!!!!
SASSY T (Tracey), Deena, Chelle, Meg and anyone reading this that didn't make it this cycle...I put in a Purchase ORDER for a SEMI-TRUCKLOAD of BABY DUST to pull into your Driveway ASAP....make room, it is a'comin!
All my Love, Prayers and Positive Vibes Ladies!!!!! You ROCK!!!!
You will ALL eventually cross through this ARCH to the other side of this Motherhood Journey. I don't know when, how or what Path you will be on, but here is to a POSITIVE Attitude during the "process." (For example, some of us choose to continue with TTC, AI, IVF Or we go towards Surrogacy or Adoption).

Random Thoughts from Candace

Here are a few useless but Random Thoughts straight out of the Head of Candace:

• Red is my Favorite Color
• Sometimes I wonder if I continue to go without Sex for a LONG time, will I be Re-Virginized? LOL.....(My CRAZY friends tease me about this one.)
• I like my Dogs better then a bunch of People I know.
• I need a New Car....but not the Car Payment.
• One side of My closet is FILLED with clothes I can't even fit......DUH!!
• How Many Licks does it Take to get to the Center of a Tootsie Roll Pop??? No Freaking Idea because I get impatient and Bite that Puppy mid-way through.
• I have let my Hair grown past my Waist to now be almost Hip Length.....what am I, Crazy!
• Spiders or Jumping Bugs make me shriek!
• I am a BIG Kid...I have season Passes to all Disney Parks, Universal Studios, Island of Adventure, Sea World, Cypress Gardens and Busch Gardens.....HELP I am an Amusement Park ADDICT!
• The Last Time I wore Make-Up was to my Friends Wedding in July 1997.
• Most New Folks I meet in Florida think I am Hispanic and immediately speaks Spanish First to me, yesterday before I realized it, I responded in a combination of Japanese/English/Spanish...needless to say that person looked at me like I was OUT of my Brain!
• I already have 3 Plastic Totes of Maternity Clothes purchased, gathered from the last 3 years.
• I still have all my Wisdom Teeth....I am a Nut-Case!
• I need to shave my Legs more.
• There are more Bedrooms than People in my House.
• Sometimes the Thought of being a GOOD Mother terrifies me!
• My 10 Year College Reunion is in May...I wonder who will show up?

Trying to Conceive Quilt Explained

I am dedicating this post to my Buddy, Michell and anyone else that would like more information. My TTC Quilt is where I collect various Fabric Squares (swatches) that hold a special memory or message that I then put together and will then present to my child. Before joining in the Online communities I had collected over 100 Fabric Squares from fabric from my childhood, trips, vacations, friends/family, novelty items, etc. Due to volume, I just decided that I am Making 2 Quilts. I just received my 1st Square for Quilt 2 that I mentioned below from Kelli. She sent two swatches that she chose to share with me & she cut a piece of each Fabric & attached Well Wishes for my Child. I will store these messages and one day I will share all the well wishes & messages with my child. This is my Spin on the Chinese 100 Wishes Quilt - To put it simply in China - these 100 swatches/well wishes would be complied and the Quilt would be created and this quilt would be presented to the child and they would be enfolded in Love, Happiness, Peace, Strength of Character, etc. I am NOT a seamstress but my Mom was and she is helping me with the squares, to be honest...Quilting Blocks are a TON easier than sewing....at least for me. It is a great stress reliever and I am making something that can never be duplicated, it is an Original. Worried you can't make this kind of Quilt? NO Worries..I am ALL thumbs in regards to needle & thread & I have been getting the hang of this...I thought I was a LOST Cause!
Wanna see some TERRIFIC examples of Beautiful Quilt Blocks? Check out my Link for Kelli's website dedicated to Sprout......her creations are so lovely!
ANYONE (within my Blog Community) INTERESTED IN EXCHANGING FABRIC SQUARES - E-MAIL ME, FROM MY PROFILE. :) Please use Cotton....a great size is 8 x 8 or 9 x 9.

BFP Symptoms YES, Pregnancy...NO!

Ok, This morning I woke up to a horrible feeling of Nausea. UGH, as the day continued I felt like I needed to Throw-Up but never could and then the EXTREME Tiredness came. I have been exhausted and Nauseous now all stinkin Day. Needless to say I feel like I have all the Pregnancy symptoms without the BFP. I feel icky but I am not sick....I call it "Paper" Pregnant. Today at work a Co-worker caught be gagging in the Restroom early in the a.m. and she said..."Oh, My...Candace are you Pregnant?" Of course I said NO, which is true. I did find it interesting that that was the FIRST think my Co-Worker asked me when NOT A SOUL knows of my TTC plan at work. I am a VERY private person and my motto is when you see me stroll in with a Maternity Top on....you will figure out I have a "bun" in the oven! LOL. (OK, maybe not that long). I never can stand people asking me OVER & OVER how something is going and TTC is stressful ENOUGH without feeling like you need to field 101 questions from your co-workers. I appreciate the caring but I would not enjoy the constant questions, especially if it takes me a long time to earn that BFP. I am almost never, ever Nauseous & I am not a big fan of that. Needless to say, I am going to be a riot Pregnant.....a 100% wreck I am sure. I am NOT looking forward to that part of pregnancy...but I will take it & more to get my "Prize!"
Ughhh.....I hope I'm not getting sick!
****UPDATE**** Well, I am all scheduled in Late Feb for my Pre-conception GYN Stab & Grab OR as some call it......Pap Smear, Lab Work & all the Trimmings. Not looking forward to it, but I am looking forward to the verdict..hearing that all looks Ok to proceed and getting everything else Organized. ****

Ms. Michelle and the Dancing Butterflies & Elephants

I know I am Bias but I think my Best friends Daughter, Michelle and her Dancing Troupe are simply ADORABLE! They all look so beautiful and so sweet. I have 3 Best Friends and each one has Children & they can't wait to FINALLY get their turn to spoil my little one. I agree and I can't wait to have a little one to Join Gymboree and/or Mommy & Me with or to sign-up for, Ballet, Tap, Girl Scouts, Jazz, Swimming, Piano, Soccer, Boy Scouts, Science Camp OR Whatever they say they are interested in exploring. I have always been a "Joiner" and I hope my child enjoys trying different activities as well.

Anyway, I wanted to Congratulate Michelle on her 1st Recital with her Dance Troupe....sadly since I am in FLORIDA and She is in VIRGINIA, "Aunt Candi" (Chelle..I laughed when I seen that comment in my blog....EVERYONE except for at work call me "Candi." Funny huh?) had to miss this recital. (Sad) But , I will be at the one in the Summer.

Enjoy a few shots of all the sweetie pies......My Motherhood pangs are knocking HARD right now!!!

TTC QUILT Square, Ovulation & More!

First, I wanted to say Thank You, Thank You to my Sweetie Pie Cyber-Buddy, KELLI. You are simply FANTASTIC! Today I received several LOVELY Fabric Squares for my TTC Quilt. With the Swatches came beautiful sayings and positive statements to go with each Swatch....What a PLEASURE getting to know you, Kelli.....your Sprout is one Lucky little girl to get YOU as a Mommy. If you want to read something WONDERFUL check out Kelli's Blog....her trip through TTA from China is an Inspiration to us ALL!
P.S. Please forgive my delay, things were rather crazy on this end. I just sent out your swatches, I hope you enjoy them.:)
*********Lets see........on the TTC front....after 3 days of LH test I found my surge TODAY...LH Positive so it looks like I will ovulate in 24-48 Hours. If I was doing AI this cycle, I would be getting primed & ready. I wrote all my details down to use for information when I am able to Inseminate.
********On the Weight Loss side.....7 Days & 4.5 pounds down. I am NOT on a Diet, just a lifestyle change.....TONS of Water & Green Tea, Lots of FRESH Veggies & Fruit. For the first 3 days it was a NIGHTMARE as my body was in detox from giving up the excessive Diet Cokes, excessive Sugars & Excessive Bread. Today, I actually felt great and I was happy that I am making a positive change. It felt good to walk again and move more. In Feb I am joining a New Gym, the YMCA....that way I can swim and that can help me be more active.
*******On the Teaching Tip - Today a New Teacher broke down and walked out....in Her words she didn't think it was going to be this hard. I really feel for the New Teachers most of all.....you have so much to learn in such a small amount of time and you feel so overwhelmed. I called the Teacher at Home though and said look, this isn't like other Careers if you break a Teaching Contract suddenly you are BLACK-BALLED which is VERY Serious. I tried to ease her mind and let her vent. Now, that I am Floating and Teaching the Teachers as well as At Risk Kids it keeps me Jumping. Sometimes I feel like I could spout State Statues, Curriculum Guidelines and FCAT statistics in my Sleep.....No Wonder I am Single!****
Well.....That's enough rambling about my Little world! Have a wonderful night:)

Martin Luther King, Jr ....Non-Violent and Mighty

May we all realize that through our Diversity we make a better reality, Now and for our Future. Diversity is NOT for a race or group of people, Diversity effects us ALL. White, Black, Asian, Latin/Hispanic, Poor, Wealthy, Straight, Gay, Big, Little, Christian, Muslim and so Much More. Tonight I pray especially for peace and tolerance for us all. Understand BEFORE you Criticize, Listen BEFORE you Lecture and Explain BEFORE you Explode. Go outside your comfort zone and meet different people from different cultures and points of view.....YOU will be a better person for the effort.

***Remember.......HATE is taught and is NOT a Family Value**** LOVE is infectious, spread a little tonight!!

Reality BITES - Overweight and Fighting

Ok, I had my physical (last week 5 days ago).....I may have mentioned I have gained a few pounds in the last 2 years. Well, forget the previous sentence, I am ladies and gentleman...OVERWEIGHT...officially. Needless to say I knew it, but the numbers on my chart made me physically sick. I spent High School, College and many years since as a Healthy average size lady that never tipped the scales in the Overweight direction. Why, Because I exercised consistently, 4-5 times a week, lived a healthy consumption Vegetarian lifestyle with tons of FRESHLY prepared foods and less FRIED foods and drank a ton of water. I still enjoyed ALL my favorite foods, went out to dinner but I did limit my portion size.

This is me NOW:

• No Limit on portion size, usually as much as I feel.
• MANY more fried foods.
• Of, course still a Vegetarian but I consume MOSTLY frozen or processed Foods now....FRESH..what is that?
• Water is the LEAST beverage I drink...#1 is Diet Coke.
• Exercise - ZERO days a week..YES, I said ZERO!

Ok, why did I let this happen? I have NO Idea! It all started when about 2.5 weeks ago I seen a Group picture of myself at work.....It made me CRINGE! I can not speak for anyone else, but for me personally, my current weight is UNACCEPTABLE. I am a not one for excuses..bottom line..this weight gain is 100% MY FAULT. I am responsible for this excess and I am 100% responsible for getting this off. I do NOT want my future child to see me not caring or taking pride in my body. And this is just what I see this as....I am letting myself go. Well, that was 5 Days ago that I had this EPIPHANY.......I MUST lose 40 pounds BEFORE my AI. Not Maybe, Not Hopefully I MUST or I will not AI as scheduled. This is how important weight loss is to me. True, I will gain weight pregnant, I am fine with that BUT I need to start off in my correct weight range & proceed carefully because if I don't....I will go from Overweight to Obese and that will make the battle even harder. Since, reality hit me DEAD in the face 5 days ago, I have Lost 3 pounds....nothing special I know but hey I will take it. I don't want to loss it too fast or in an unhealthy way, I just want to exercise and get my Health Back..for ME #1 and for my Child #2.

To ensure I don't cave in and try to AI early I am purchasing a Donor in Quarantine, this way I CAN'T use my #1 Choice even if I wanted to. This will ensure I follow my plan. I just want to mention, I understand and support the fact that Overweight & Obese women are getting pregnant & giving birth EVERYDAY without any abnormal problems....I say more power to them. I also say, for myself I want to try to avoid this. With my luck I would have all the problems the books mention for overweight women. Beside I just feel uncomfortable with this excess 40 pounds.....I am only 5'3 and folks of my short stature don't carry excess weight well..to put it Honestly, we look rather Squatto-esque. I have 3 close friends that are medically labeled obese....they all 3 weight 265 -300+ pounds each and ALL three have had Healthy Babies and only 1 has had any weight related problems...which is wonderful. They all think I am looney to worry about my 40 pounds, but like I told them....each person feels different about their personal weight threshold...NONE of us are the same. I just want to get my weight back to a more comfortable level for myself. After all, I want health and fitness to be VERY important to my child.....How would it look in my present state to lecture them on lifestyle choices. If I am going to Talk the Talk I MUST Walk the Walk.

So, in addition to my posts revolving around TTC, Teaching and My Crazy Life...I will now add my Weight Loss stats. As I tell my students, Those who TRULY Believe, So will they Achieve.

***Also, to all my LOVELY Cyber Friends, thanks for all the Comments and wonderful advice you have provided on my Blog, I ALWAYS read it and I try to usually post responses in the Comments section as well....what a JOY to meet such a terrific group of Ladies!***

The L Word

Ok, it is official I am INSANE. For me, Trash TV hasn't been the same since they took my FAVORITE show ever off...SEX and THE CITY. I LOVED that series (I have the entire Collection).....I would laugh so hard I would have a snitch in my side. Sometimes my Friends & I would have "watching" parties where we watch, gab, eat & comment on any sexy men in the episode and share personal stories. GOOD TIMES. Anyway, I was thinking last night I keep scanning through the rolling guide on Direct TV & I keep seeing.."The L Word".....in fact I think it is in Season 3 0r 4 and I have never seen an episode. So, I said let me check out the next episode....I thought Hey, Maybe I will learn a little something about the "L" Word (Love) that I can use. Needless to say, I was surprised fairly quickly because hey...The "L" word is for Lesbian and it focuses on the dynamics of what looks like a close knit group of ladies & their lives. (Straight, Gay, whatever). Hey & Love is in there too. Anyway, I called a friend & she said, "HELLO, Candi..Where have you been? The L Word has been out.!" Although she doesn't watch it....as if watching two Women in Love will "Rub -Off" on her (Don't get me started on this one!) she said it has been on Cable for years. ANYWAY, I told her it has some SATC like qualities....close friends, fast lifestyles, etc. I admit I don't know ALOT of what is happening with the characters yet but I am going to get all caught -up through Nextflix. I sure am happy to have a new Trash TV Series...yahoo! I already have few favorite Characters that made me laugh & laugh.
Usually, in my life I am a Nancy Grace, Local News, CNN, Discovery Channel, Face the Nation, History Channel, National Geographic Station kind of Gal......I do like to have a few Guilty TV treasures...just for fun....I refer to these programs as Trash TV. Needless to say they aren't trash......hehehe.

P.S. Anyone out there Fellow Sex and The City lovers? How about The L Word?
In the Past at a Party I was voted by a group of 15 friends to be a Mixture between Miranda and Charlotte. I voted myself as Miranda who secretly wishes she could be Samantha!

Oh, well.....just having a little fun with this post.

Diversity in Donors - HARD to find!

Ok, on to more serious thoughts. Let's see CD 5 here. Nothing exciting to report on that front. Tonight, I have been going through Donor choices. You know, deciding what is my criteria and ranking, etc. If I was married or in a serious relationship it would be easier as I would look for donors that identified with my other half the most. In my situation, it is very different. However, Interestingly enough I noticed that I find myself leaning towards the same qualities & appearance that my Fiance that passed away possessed. Is that crazy? It isn't as if this would be his child...I asked myself WHY I am doing this comparison? Anyway, in my situation Donor selection was initially more difficult to begin with. I am Bi-Racial - Caucasian Mother & Black Mother = Candace. Anyhoo, only one Truly Reputable Bank has a selection of Donors that are Bi-Racial with my 2 race classifications. My verdict on that...WHO CARES. I don't pick my significant others by race so why would I choose a Donor based initially, directly on it. In fact, my Fiance not that it matters was Caucasian, Brown Hair and Vivid Blue Eyes, 6'4 into athletics, chicken wings (Yuck!) and Golf. He was my Opposite in many regards on Paper and yet we were Soul Mates & we connected on an amazing Level. Saying this, I came to the decision I will use WHATEVER hits me about a Donor and THAT will be my guide. If I feel connected in some strange way by picking Donors that fit my Fiance in some fashion, then I will go with it. If I decide that with my strong LOVE of Asian cultures to choose an Asian Donor then more power to me. My main focus will be Genetic Family Health History with NO smoking or abusive drinking and a few other specific qualities that are personally important to me. I also decided because over the years I have made a connection with one Bank over a few others I am going to go ahead with my plan stay with that Bank for 5 -6 times MAX(hopefully it won't take that long). If nothing comes of that, I will go to the other Bank that I am VERY familiar with from where I moved from. If I end up going to that Bank I will use a Physician to handle my cycles.
Whew....now that I have rambled a plenty I am going to relax and enjoy a Good Book and a WONDERFUL piece of Peanut Butter Pie. Tomorrow, is my rotation Teaching Pregnant Homebound Teens...those days are always exhausting...rewarding..YES...but still exhausting.
HUGS my Cyber Pals!

Ahh....the Sun has Come Out

Well folks just as the song says, "The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow." I am so glad it did & I feel MUCH better....so happy that crazy day is behind me. THANKS a Ton for the Encouraging Comments by my Buddies, Michell, Tracey & Meg - I appreciate it! I try not to hold grudges and this morning STARTED with a Big Ole' Apology from my Mother and then we went out for breakfast and I am ready to move on. True, my life is LOCO sometimes (Who's isn't?) but as my buddies mentioned we always make it work somehow/someway. Choo...Choo....heading back towards "Babyville" once again after a small detour. LOL.
Thanks ladies for the sounding board...you are terrific!

Am I OUT of My Freakin' Mind?

UGGGGHHHH! OK, please turn back now if you can't handle a vent session. I need my Blog outlet in a big way right now. Today, I had a lovely Blowout with my Mom. Or as I refer to her in my head when I mad, Mommy Dearest. True, Mom and I have been through alot together. This however has nothing to do with us Loving each other it has to do with our arguments or fights....and yes, we do have both because Hey, we are human. Anyway, how is it that your mom can say something that can get you from 0 to 180 in a matter of moments? Previously, all these things were MUCH easier because since I went to college....I have always lived on my own & did things MY way. Now, since I moved my parents in my Home, we have TWO Alpha females on the block & every now & then it gets slightly sticky. My Mother is from the planet, Iamalwaysright&youarealwayswrong. Let me tell you that planet stinks big time. Sure, I have visited there from time to time but that is My Moms home planet. I think today was just a bad day for her...from the moment I woke up she was on me like a target. For a moment I thought wait a minute, is this the Twilight Zone? Then I was making a list of 20 errands I need to handle as Mom is adding to the list, assuming I will take care of everything (which I will) without even "asking" me first about my plans. Then, to top it all off, I asked her to handle ONE call for me last week while I was at my Conference during the day...simply to make an Appointment regarding my Home Warranty...GUESS WHAT, she forgot. Hey, no problem it happens right, right......but she forgot because she was watching her "stories." Her stories faithful readers are The Young & the Restless and The Bold & the Beautiful. That in itself wouldn't be so ironic if she didn't 3 years ago make fun of people that are "hooked" on Soaps. Now look.....she is like my Old College Freshman Dorm was on "Friends" nights. True, Mom is going through alot and has been for YEARS but some days are just HARD for me. I NEVER show it to the outside world, that isn't my style. Some days I go into The Master Bedroom, get in the Garden Tub and think....."Am I Out of My Mind to add a Baby to all my Responsibilities?" Two Parents that are aging & rely on me for so much, A permanently sick mother that also battles Severe Depression & Mood Swings and a "wacked" out sister that is a complete mess....they could write a Lifetime Movie about her craziness. Nights like tonight when I am doing about 101 things & need to do even more, I wonder If I am CRAZY to add another Human Being to my life. Then I think....I survived my Family growing up and in general can laugh and stay positive about my life....MAYBE just MAYBE my Child can survive me too.